God’s Grace Is Satisfying

            Wow. I can’t even believe that I am a student at Liberty University. As a senior in high school, this opportunity never seemed possible. I haven’t written in a while and I can tell that has done more damage than I thought. Not being able to express my thoughts on paper has left them locked away to only do more harm than good. I am writing to clarify a prayerful solution to a problem that has plagued me for a while now. 

            Romans 5:12 says “Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned”. We were all born into sin. At times, I wonder if myself more so than others however I know that is only Satan’s way of destroying my self-image. Early on in high school, I developed a pretty good sense of my sinful nature and wrongdoings however reflecting over my spiritual wellbeing now, I realize that I have dropped the most important mindset. Realizing the weight of my sin.

            I heard a preacher recently say that when we have two options…the one from God and the one from Satan…we are making a choice. That choice is to choose to worship and exalt God and let Him have authority in our lives or to give that power and right to Satan. Right? I am pretty sure that I despise that word in its context now. I have been giving Satan rights in my life. I have taken away God’s ownership and given it to my adversary. But why?

            I have forgotten the weight. That agonizing feeling that I get when I sin. I haven’t felt it in a while. I have lost a lot of necessary conviction lately that I realize now that I have needed in order to have control over my fleshly sins. That control that God has desired. 

            Recently, I decided to pray a prayer that quite frankly I was afraid to pray. Fearing God has been a constant reoccurring theme for me lately. It seems to come up in my devotions, sermons at church, and conversations among others. Proverbs 1:7 says “The fear of the LORD [is] the beginning of knowledge: [but] fools despise wisdom and instruction”. What did I pray? I prayed that I would feel the overwhelming weight of my sinful nature. I was not asking God to help me feel sorry for myself. I was asking God to physically and emotionally make me feel the destruction that I had done and was doing to Him and myself.

            I felt it. It was honestly more than I could have imagined. I felt the hold that Satan had over my life. I could feel him controlling my thoughts, actions, and words. I felt the absence of God. It was honestly the most terrifying thing. I could not physically breathe comfortably without asking God to clear my thinking and to let me feel His grace without shame. I felt like Paul in Romans, ‘wretched’. 

            Shame is one of the most deceiving and plausible things that Satan could fill our hearts and minds with, however when God allows us to feel it when we are seeking Him, it is breathtaking at how we feel as though we have lost Him in our most desperate moments of life.

            Since praying this prayer, I have been studying intensely living a life of grace vs. living a life of ignorance. God has instilled a passion for studying the topic of living a righteous life through His Word. Asking God to make me feel the weight of my sin was so disturbing that it makes me at least think twice before allowing Satan to have rights in my life. 

            Now do not think of me as faultless in any way, I have still fallen a slave to my flesh which the book of Romans deems ‘sin’. However, I do know what Satan is capable of. He does have power, but we were given the same power that raised Christ from the dead. Life is worth fighting the battle of sin knowing that we will have an eternity of freedom in the end. Satan’s schemes are within a time limit that does not even begin to compare to our future as Christians. 

            Romans 8:37 says “we are more than conquerors”. As conquerors we go into battle desiring to win. Being more than conquerors means that we go into battle knowing that we have already won. 

            This past week in my Bible class, we were talking about the importance of names. When I was younger, I never felt that my name fit me. I knew that Anna meant grace but all I could say was that I was not a very graceful person. In further study, I have realized the impact of ‘grace’ for myself and that is the grace and favor that God has placed on my life. Elizabeth means God is satisfying and I do believe that even through the valleys, one of the most import themes of my Christian life has been that God’s grace is satisfying, and forever will be!

I Told God No? But Wait…it’s Not About Me?

Seriously? Ask yourself how many times you have told God “no” in the past. Maybe He asked you to do something that didn’t seem like the easiest task and there was a way out of it or He gave you more than one choice and you took the harder route in efforts of not facing your greatest fear.

A few months ago…I faced a huge fear. I initially thought I would never be able to accomplish the task but with the help of a few newfound friends and my accountability partners, I was able to conquer that fear.

The problem however seemed to be what God would place in the path that lay ahead. My initial questions to God were “where do you want me to attend college?” and “how will I pay for it?” His response however was delayed with a series of tasks that He wished for me to perform first.

My biggest problem has been shutting my pride off and letting go! It’s tough when you must lay everything aside and face your greatest fear in order to hear what God has to say to you. Sometimes I’ve wondered if He was still listening but indeed, He never fails to remain right by our sides!

However most of us fall after accomplishing the first step in a series of goals He creates for our path. We think that after crossing the finish line of step 1, that we deserve an answer right away or that facing our fears is over. But what we don’t realize is that some might have one step whereas another has thirty.

We must learn to allow God to use us in whatever way necessary. Think of what you have asked of God lately or perhaps you are waiting on guidance in a particular area. Have you even taken the first step? Or are you still letting your fear control you?

Well today is a big day for me as I take on a vocal audition at the University that I would like to attend in the fall. All month, I have been waiting for this one moment to show off my talent. But wait. My talent? That sounds self-conceited in a way…doesn’t it?

Throughout the past two weeks I have been forcing myself to shatter my wall of pride. It has been my top priority so to speak. There has always been a part of me that felt I could not share my real personality with others in fear that it might harm my reputation, but more and more everyday I find myself learning that it is okay to allow for others to know your true self in terms that it might help them as well. This principle has taught me that it is NOT all about me.

We all have a purpose and for all things in life, there is a purpose as well. When preparing for this audition, I realized that it’s not my talent. I am just simply blessed with the ability to sing (*and project my voice if I might add* haha). Without the amazing touch of grace from God, my talents would be rendered useless.

Romans 12:6-8 says:6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your[a] faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,[b] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

Allowing my pride to take over in this moment is out of the question. Also I have seen what self-conceit can do to one’s conscience over the past few months. I have noticed it more by means of online content, throughout the community, and even within myself. See what most of us don’t take the time to remember is that we were put here on earth for a purpose. God made each and every one of us different and He is the one that breathed us into existence. We would not be here were it not for Him.

Proberbs 19:21 says:
21 Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

Whenever I find myself hiding behind my misery called pride, I try to refocus that this is His life to do with as He pleases. Yes we serve an Almighty God that gives us the ability of choice, but we also must respect that He is the utmost being that provides life.

When I am faced with temptation or a prideful stance, I have learned to take a step back and admit that this is His life. I am but only one of His many works and when we learn to do His will, He will use us for His greater plan.

So yes this audition tomorrow is a part of His plan for me, no matter the outcome of decision. But it is also one of the many works that He has planned for this life in which I have the honor of living. Everyday, He is molding me into a new being. I am growing stronger after every passing moment and the accountability that I have set in place to keep growing, and me balanced is greater now than ever before!

So when will you learn that it’s not about you in general? When will you see what all God has in store for your purpose here on earth? When will you know with assurance that one day you will stand before our awesome savior and hear Him say “Well done, good and faithful servant!”? When. You. Make. It. All. About. Him.